I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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