Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
