I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
