How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
