I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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