How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
