dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
