I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize