Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
