I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
