dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
