I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
