I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
