if only i could text you this smell
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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