I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
