I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
