I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
