He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
