That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
