Umm I'm too high to move.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
