That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
