i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
