We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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