so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Farmville is her only friend.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Randomize
