How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
