I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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