there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize