i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
