I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
