dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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