I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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