i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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