It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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