There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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