god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
