MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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