i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
