she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
