i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Randomize
