But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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