The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
