Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
