We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
