How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
im holly from the hills drunk
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
