mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
