Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
