i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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