I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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