the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize