I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
