tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
