THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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