How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
