JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize