I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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