I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
