Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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