so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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