with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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