I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize