Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize