the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i dont even know how to be here
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
