i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
