Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
