Your mouth is God's brothel.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
