hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize