fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize