I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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