I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
