well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
