I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
