How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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