It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
