OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
