And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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