I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
