would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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