she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
