you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
