I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
