A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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