today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize