I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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