Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
