anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
