Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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