He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
