You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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