Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
