The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
