i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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