jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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